An Amazing Life

How did fuck did I get here?
Alone in a foreign country
I now call home
Alone in a bed
Lost in a career
Spewing creativity in private
Wishing for something great
But feeling content
Spending countless evenings
Reclining on the couch
On the one that is too small
With my feet dangling off
In a way that crushes my calves
Making them sore
In a way that arches my neck
Making it ache
In silence, staring
At spiders decorating the ceiling
At mold growing up the door

My family says
I'm in a midlife crisis
But the only thing I've done
Is closed my ears to them
My friends complain
At why a late evening is important
But I fear of loosing time
As much as I fear of loosing sleep
My lovers come and go
And I wonder why I can't rest
When arms surround me
And lament my loss
When I feel compelled to act
But stand instead frozen

On average
My life has been amazing
Abused, but not as bad
As acid in the face
Protected, but not as bad
As a padded cell
Neglected, but not as bad
As not existing

On average
My life has been amazing
But today, my fortieth birthday
I feel sad
So I'm just going to go with it