Loss for Words

I'm at a loss for words
Except to say
That we should have stayed
At that gem bar you drove me to
The one you claimed
Entices big-city folks
To sneak down to our part of the desert
The one in the section of town
Too run down to even be called industrial
We should have stayed there
I should have insisted

Stepping out from your tattered car
Stepping past the guard and past
The black velvet curtains
I felt transported home
Over a beer, time passed unexpectedly well
Our conversation easy
As I learned no filter stops your thoughts
You looked at me
With eyes bigger than I remembered
And your wire lips stretched
To a large dimpled smile
That framed pleasantly crooked teeth
We should have ordered another beer
Continued the moment

But the moment passed
To sudden uneasiness
That dim bedroom lights couldn't hide
"I should have warned you,"
You said, "I need to talk to you."
"Then talk, I'm listening."
But the more talk, the more worry
And the more worry,
The more the worry became truth
And the truth came too fast
Which scared you
So you gave it a large medical name
Your explanation to your frustration
Your explanation to what you assumed
Must be my disappointment

"Stop thinking"
I should have said
But I wasn't thinking
How could I?
Lagging behind the abrupt change
Mesmerized by your body
Watching you dress

"Stay"
I should have insisted
It would have been better
Than how things are now
But I didn't know what to say
And still don't
Except that your smell
Continues to linger
On the pillow adjacent to mine